I imagined retirement paradise; then I did the maths on how much it costs

The views and opinions expressed in this article are those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the official policy or position of 10X Investments.

“For your retirement,” Cath said, “do you really think you can actually find a little cottage on a deserted beach that is also no more than 10km away from a Woolies?”

(Cath is usually who I look at when I’m looking for a ‘responsible adult,’ so I hear her out, even though that ultimate retirement home HAS to actually exist somewhere, doesn’t it?)

“What about somewhere close to Cape Town, or on the Indian Ocean?”

Well, ok then. Let’s look into this and see how much it will actually cost. I’m going to assume, dear reader, that you have similar priorities to me, namely, life within sea distance. The beach needs to be part of daily life, not somewhere I have to drive to. And then:

Somewhat villagey, vibey and interesting. Character, community and a bit quirky.

A coffee shop nearby. Good Americanos, laptop welcome.

Safe enough to walk, cycle and live alone. Preferably in a secure estate or complex with controlled access and 24-hour security.

Pet-friendly. This is a deal-maker or deal-breaker, depending.

Single-level living. The Killer Cat™ makes stairs even more hazardous.

Two bedrooms and preferably two bathrooms. Enough room for a writing/guest space, although I could compromise on the second bathroom for the right property.

Secure parking. This is South Africa, and opportunism abounds.

Not a fixer-upper. Retirement is for writing books and going to the beach, not discovering the structural implications of rising damp.

Normal residential living, not a retirement village. No Old People Storage for me please.

Reasonably close to shops and medical facilities. I have to accepted I’ll be older.

Fibre. World-famous authors need internet.

If I end up in Joburg, add a communal swimming pool. The Joburg beach substitute – some lifestyle facilities and green space. And then accept that the car stays.

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Putting a price on paradise

So, how much will all this cost? I turn to my friend, ChatGPT – who says I can call him Jasper for some unknown reason – and have AI find the right areas and properties, then model my living costs in about 20 years.

(Yes, I know this isn’t an exact science. If I had a crystal ball, I’d have won the Lotto, and we wouldn’t be having this conversation)

My requirements – and what I think I can afford – point to a roughly 96m² home costing R1.15 million today, or R5.4 million in 20 years at compound property inflation of 8%, based on recent Statistics South Africa Residential Property Price Index data.

The search comes back with either Fish Hoek, on the False Bay side of the Cape Peninsula, or Glenashley, which I’d never heard of but is apparently close to a nature reserve between Durban North and La Lucia.

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Something fishy this way comes

First up is Fiesh Hoerk? Feesh Hooek? “Fish Hoek”.

It has the beach, village feel and slightly arty character we were trying to find, with daily life possible on foot or bicycle rather than automatically requiring a car.

Perhaps you should sit down now, if you weren’t already. Thanks to Cape Town property price inflation, the near-perfect working property is around R2.35 million – or R11 million by the time I need to relocate. Apparently there is an exceptionally large premium to “sea”. It’s missing a few things, including the extra loo, but is 78m², ground floor, pet-friendly, has a garden and garage, is in a secure complex and is about a minute's walk from the beach.

The closest-to-perfect Fish Hoek property has a levy around R2,167 and rates around R890 – or around R8,100 a month at 5% inflation (about R3,050 today).

For context, that’s a bit more than the R2,500 I am paying in my complex, which comes with complimentary exceptionally loud music at 2am, shouting to be heard when talking to someone 50m away at 6am instead of walking closer, and three screaming children in my block.

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Doing it in Durbs, darling

In “affluent” Glenashley, there’s an established residential area, sea access and some personality.

At around R2.2 million today (R10.26 million in 20 years), a roughly 90m² two-bedroom, two-bathroom property came with sea views, and was immediately vetoed because it was around the 10th floor, with neither garden nor balcony.

And then came the levy at R8,915 a month or R23,655, for a share block charge including levies, rates, water, parking levy and window cleaning, so it isn't directly comparable with a plain sectional-title levy.

I assume they use Spiderman to clean the windows because I don’t think humans could.

Maybe Joburg isn’t so bad?

If I get stuck in Johannesburg, Greenstone offers a reasonably comfortable, secure estate lifestyle close to the N3.

Greenstone is roughly R1.15 million for exactly the property I want, hopefully sans horrible neighbours, with levies of around R2,500 plus rates of around R600 currently. Accelerated for inflation, the property becomes R5.36 million and the levies and rates R8,224 a month.

Coffee and cake

Right, now that I have bought my not-dream property for cash after saving the proceeds from my first best-selling novel, I need to work out how much life will cost.

You know, groceries, electricity, and lots of coffee and cake because I refuse to spend all day at home trying to have a conversation with a dog or a cat.

I told Jasper to take my current expenses and compound them for 20 years, assuming the house and car are paid off and stripping out costs I won’t have in retirement. We kept the emergency (oh F) fund.

I bumped up medical aid and compounded it at 8%, while electricity – also running well above inflation – got 10.7%.

How much, you ask? Once again, sit down. On these assumptions, I could need about 70% to 100% more a month than I spend now, even after stripping out costs I won’t have in retirement and allowing for things such as medical aid to get a whack more expensive.

Reality bites

So, ahem, I need to whip out that 10X calculator and work out exactly what I should be putting away and what I am putting away. And I’m only stashing a third of what I need to, which is really scary because that puts me in the 94% of South Africans who CAN’T afford to retire comfortably.

Either my beach dream goes and I live in a cardboard box, or I cut out coffee and cake now (and anything else I can), as well as finding another source of income and try to put away a lot more.

Anyone want a photo shoot of their pets? I turn them into the cutest bespoke AI portraits. And best I finish that book.